IAHawkeye.com: Forums / Hawkeye Football / ISU Jokes

Main Menu

Welcome

Arcade

Play a game now!
Games offered: 115

Play Random Game: Silversphere

Most Recent Additions

MultiTask Date Added: 16 Dec 2009	Puzzle Bowling Date Added: 16 Dec 2009
Mr. Bump Pinball Date Added: 16 Dec 2009	Ten Pin Bowling Date Added: 30 Jul 2009
Solitaire Golf SLingo Date Added: 30 Jul 2009	Driving Mad Date Added: 30 Jul 2009

Online

Guests: 5
Members: 0
On this page: 1
Members: 107, Newest: Christy

Play Music:

Forums

IAHawkeye.com :: Forums :: Hawkeye Football

<< Previous thread | Next thread >>

ISU Jokes

Author

Post

connellr

Fri Sep 14 2007, 12:20pm

Joined: Wed Mar 09 2005, 04:00pm
Posts: 15

Its that time of year again!!! Iowa vs. Iowa State ...

----------------------
Ames, Iowa
August 24, 2005
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Iowa State Cyclones, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

-----------------------

A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is an Iowa State
Cyclone.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cyclones too.
No one really knows what a Cyclone is, but wanting to be like their
teacher their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There
is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along
with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be
different.
"Because I'm not a Cyclone."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why, I'm a proud Iowa Hawkeye," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Kristen why she is a Hawkeye.
"Well, my mom and dad are Hawkeyes, so I'm a Hawkeye too.
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What
if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be
then?"
"Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cyclone."

-----------------------

The Kindergarden class went on a field trip to a zoo one afternoon. As the tour guide took the youngens to see the animals, they came to the Lions. Jimmy asked why one of the lions was just lying on the ground bairly moving. the guide said that the lion had just eaten a Cyclone fan. Jimmy then asked why it was licking it's butt. The guide said it was just trying to get the taste out of its mouth.

------------------------

One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?" "I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Iowa State Cyclone fan walking down the road, with an obnoxious Cyclone shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Iowa State Cyclone fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

---------------------------

What do you call an intelligent person in Ames, Iowa? Lost.

How is the Iowa State football team like a possum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco? Ames, Iowa. . . He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.

What does a tornado and an Iowa State cheerleader have
in common?
Both eventually end up in a trailer park.

What's the difference between an Iowa State national championship team and Superman?
Neither of them exist.

Why did they quit serving ice water at Iowa State games?
The guy with the recipe died.

I had an Iowa State grad over for dinner last night -- The pizza was late and he still wanted a tip.

Why do they play on cardboard at Jack Trice Stadium? The Cyclones look better on paper and it keeps the cheerleaders from grazing.

What separates a good football team from a great football team Interstates 35 and 80.

What is the difference between an ISU cheerleader and a national championship? Not everyone has had a national championship.

What's the difference between a porcupine and Jack Trice Stadium? A porcupine has 40,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.

What do you call a convoy of John Deere tractors going down the road?The Iowa State homecoming parade.

What's the difference between Dan McCarney and a puppy? Eventually, the puppy stops whining.

Why don't Iowa State students use 911 in an emergency? They can't find "11" on the phone dial.

Two Iowa State fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird!" The other one looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"

Why did Dan McCarney have his quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers all working in a bakery this summer? He wanted them to get used to turnovers.

What has 98 legs and 49 teeth?
A sorority/fraternity party at Iowa State.

Iowa State recently hired a Chinese offensive coordinator -- Win One Soon.

---------------------

Did you hear about the sign outside of Ames?

It reads Interstate 35, Iowa State 0.

- Jon, DSM

*****

Q: What did the Hawkeye grad say to the Iowa State grad?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: What do they call a crime ring in Ames?
A: A huddle

Q: Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
A: Ames, IA. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy
winner there

Q: What do ISU fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities

*****

If you see a Cyclone football player on a bicycle, why should you swerve
to avoid hitting him?
~ It might be your bicycle.

- Hawk Fan in The Hawkeye State

*****

What do you get when you cross an Iowa State Cyclone and a ground hog?
Six more weeks of bad football.

- John Shoumers, Iowa

*****

Q: What do you call a Cyclone with 100 girlfriends?

A: A shepherd

- Dan, Des Moines

*****

----------------------

(1) What does the average ISU player get on his SATs?

Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put 32 ISU cheerleaders in one room?

A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get an Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room?

Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get an ISU graduate off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if a ISU football player has a girlfriend?

There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup

(6) Why is the ISU football team like a possum?

Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of an ISU football player's life?

His freshman year.

(8) How many ISU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a sophomore course.

Moderators: IAHawkeye, connellr, Antiparadigm